Going From Mrs. to Ms.

I remember the first time I met him…it was 13 years ago this past February.

He was teaching a computer class.

I popped in his classroom and said, “Hi, I’m Karrah and I’m teaching down the hall.”

He smiled and said, “I’m almost done. I’ll come see you when my class gets out.”

It took until April for him to ask me out, but once he did, we were never a part. We took our vows on October 1, 2005…promising each other “forever.”

Apparently, that means 11 years and 3 months.

The End.

Right before Halloween, he told me we needed to go to counseling to work on communication.  I was taken aback, I knew things had been stressful and he had not been home much, but I thought it was the house flipping and trying to get our house ready to sell. Was I in denial? (The answer to that is YES!) So I found a therapist, we set up the appointment and went.  But things had changed with him, I could feel it.  Sitting on the counselor’s couch, I looked over at him and it was like looking at a stranger.

On December 30th, my husband surprised me at work with lunch, then asked me for a divorce.

All I could think of was that for almost 13 years, my husband has been my person.  The first one I called when something exciting or terrible happened.  The one I jumped out at from behind corners to scare… just to hear him laugh. The one I taught to play poker that resulted in us meeting a ton of poker playing friends. The one I leaned on, traveled with, talked about the future and was raising a family with. The one that I moved away from all of my family and friends…just to be with him.

But somewhere along the way…he stopped laughing with me and it was so slowly, that I barely noticed.

Then…there was no one.

When you find yourself alone for the first time in years, you start questioning everything…Who will I call if I have a flat tire? What if I get hurt? Or need someone to pick up my son from school? Who’s going to laugh with me?  Will I laugh again? Who’s gonna throw away the mouse trap when I catch one of those little nasty critters? (seriously…I can’t). Will I ever get over this feeling of rejection? When will I be able to make it through a day without crying?

Let me reassure anyone going through this… you will make it through, you will laugh again and the tears will stop. I can tell you exactly how many days it took me to make it through ONE without crying.  37.

Life goes on, and we’re stronger than we think.

 

Picking Myself Up

After two days of laying in bed feeling sorry for myself, I finally decided that I wasn’t doing myself any favors thinking about how things used to be. My life and choices have brought me here, to this moment and above all else given me the best kid around.  This was going to be hard for the kiddo to accept, I had to get up, make a plan and have it in place by the time we told him about the divorce.  I mean, God has a vision for us all, right?

I seriously have the strongest and most supportive family.   When I told them what was going on, they ALL said, in more than one way (and more than one time, lol), to “MOVE HOME!!!!!!” and it didn’t take long for me to realize, that my heart was screaming that too.

Forward Thinking

So now, I’m planning for the future.  I found a house that I fell in love with back home and closed on it April 14th.

new house closing day

I pinky promise, I will give you all a FULL tour as soon as we get everything moved in!

We told the kiddo over Spring break. I wanted to wait until he had a couple of weeks off so that he could process everything and know that it was all going to be ok… plus, honestly… I needed that time to put my pieces back together so that I could be there for him. He knew that we were going to be moving and I had shown him the house and he loved it.  He just didn’t know that his dad wasn’t going to be coming with us.  All in all, he took it much better than I expected. I also had it set up for him to shadow at his new school during his break… this was a recommendation from my counselor and it was EXACTLY what he needed to get excited and calm any apprehension he had about switching schools.

For now, through the week, we’re still all living in the same house until he gets out of school at the end of May.  YES it is difficult sometimes… but, we are moving on and living our own lives. This has also taught us to get along and to be there for our son. Hopefully, we can remain good friends, that’s certainly the plan anyway.

We sold the rental house and the flip house, I’ll post details about these coming up for all of you rehabbers.  Our current house is being updated and will go on the market in the next month.

Reflection

I don’t typically share too much about my personal life on here… this is a DIY blog, right? But, I had so many readers asking what was going on and where were we on the houses and projects, why I changed my name on Instagram, I knew the time had come to publish this post. Plus, I love you guys.  <3  Honestly, I started writing this in January.. as kind of a therapy outlet…FULL of emotion.  I have opened it back up, time and time again to revise and each time it gets easier.  It’s actually kind of funny… when I post this, there will have been 22 revisions.

I also want to point out that he is a good man.  I know the decision he made was hard and I’m at a point now, where I am happy that he made it. A relationship is about two people, and the way he and I communicate is very different. I am thankful for the last 13 years and that he was in my life. He has been supportive of the kiddo and I moving back to my hometown… he knew we needed the family and friend support. For that, I am FOREVER grateful.

I share this all with you, because I know somewhere, someone is going through this too. Feeling like their whole world is falling to pieces around them.  Like you can’t breathe… but you have to. Listen very closely to me, you WILL be happy again.

One of the first people I told was my cousin (who is more like a sister). She said how sorry she was… BUT that over the years, I had lost myself. That was so hard to hear, but so very honest… and also EXACTLY what I needed. I’ve thought about this over and over, she was so right… I had become a shell.

Not because of him, but because of ME.

We work, become spouses and parents and we forget that we USE to be fun and love life. I was spending every minute either at work, flipping a house, being a wife or doing mom things, but where was I?

This weekend, I was sitting on the deck at my new house with family and friends (who had just dropped in to see how we were doing) and my son and his cousins were inside running around playing. The laughter and love inside and out was overwhelming. And at this point, I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

So for any of you going through this, know that it’s going to hurt… but the hurt will fade.

One day…not far from today, you’ll wake up and you’ll feel free.

remember her

 

XOXO,
Karrah

 

 

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Comments

  1. Love you, Karrah!

  2. Kim Godin says:

    Yeah, You! Great to read you are doing fab! Hugs! Kim G

  3. You are so strong! Joy is just around the corner! xo

  4. Melanie says:

    ❤️

  5. Misty Thomas says:

    Prayers of peace and joy for you friend!! Well written!